How to Train your Levy
by LaxusPlayer
Summary: Tired of being the weak one, Levy decides to go on an S-Class quest to prove to Gajeel and everyone just how strong she is. But when help comes from an unlikely place, will everything work out? And will she even survive to the end?


How to train your Levy

_A/N: Sorry__wolfgurl1318__ about this taking a while to write but its been one hell of a busy few weeks. Let's just say that beer monsters are indeed real and cannot be killed my mortal weapons. Anyways, as requested 'I'll do a Laxus gives Levy advice' fic, or at least give it as good a try as I can. Thoughts are in italics. Enjoy..._

"No Levy you're not coming with me."

"But Gajeel I thought we were part of a team!"

"We are but..."

"Don't teams stick together?"

"Well yeah of course they do..."

"So you don't want me on your team then?!"

"I never said that!" Gajeel have an exasperated sigh and face palmed. "Look shrimp the mission I'm going on is pretty dangerous. Almost S-Class I think. No offence but if I let you tag along you'd probably end up getting hurt."

"I..."

"My decision is final; I ain't letting you get hurt." He looked down at her and blushed. "Maybe next mission I'll let you and your dopey friends tag along."

"Arg fine! Go and do your stupid quest then! See if I care!" Levy yelled and stormed off to the bar. Picking up the nearest drink she could find, she chugged as much of it down her as she could before slumping onto the stool. "Stupid Gajeel and his stupid quests. I'm just as strong as he is!"

"You should forget that jerk Levy!" Jet grumbled, his voice loud enough for her to hear but quiet enough so that Gajeel wouldn't kick his ass again.

"Yeah screw him!" Droy agreed and went to put an arm around his crush.

"Not that I give a shit," Came a low voice beside her that made the young man spring backwards, "But you just downed most of my pint."

The bluenette glared at the man. "Oh fuck off Laxus, I can't be dealing with your shit today!"

"Ohh feisty!" He grinned. "So what's crawled up your ass and died?"

"None of your damned business!" She screamed and stormed off to the other end of the bar. Her fan boys followed. Like you people expected anything different.

Laxus leant over and asked Mira "The hell was that all about?"

"Beats me." The model shrugged. Want me to go talk to her?"

"Sure why not." He finished his pint and Mira wandered over to the tiny girl.

"So what'd he say this time sweetie?"

Levy glared at her friend before groaning in frustration. "Why do you...ahh! He thinks he's so special with his dragon slaying magic and his stupid sexy grin! I can do quests like that too!"

Mira smiled at the 'sexy' comment but let it slide. "He's going on the dark guild hunting quest right?" Levy nodded. "Yeah...that one seems pretty rough." Of course Mira could have done it with her eyes closed, but to most of the guild it was a pretty daunting mission. "Well why don't you go and pick a quest that's just as hard to prove him wrong?"

Levy's eyes lit up. "Yeah that's a great idea! Thanks Mira." She jumped up and hugged the bar maid before rushing over to the board. However, after a whole two minutes of looking she stomped back to her chair and slumped down.

"W-what's up Levy?" Jet asked his angry friend.

"Stupid quest board and stupid Gajeel!" She snatched the beer from his hands and took a swig of it. "There's only really easy ones there and S-Class ones. Gah I'll never prove myself to him!" The three people surrounding her blinked until she quickly added "I mean show him!"

Laxus, who was totally not listening into the conversation, laughed. Everyone in the guild knew the pair had a 'will they won't they' thing going on and it was moments like this that proved it. Mira shot him a dirty look before patting the script mage on the back. "Don't worry about it; I'm sure something will pop up sooner or later."

"No, I have to do this now! I'm sick and tired of being this defenceless little girl that he has to keep saving. I'm strong too!"

"Hmm..." Mira thought for a moment. "Well you could take an S-Class quest..."

"NO SHE'S NOT DOING THAT!" Jet and Droy yelled in harmony. There was no way in hell they were letting their precious Levy go on a suicide run.

Even Levy disagreed with the suggestion. "Come on Mira, we both know I wouldn't last five minutes on one of those. Besides it's not allowed unless you're an S-Class."

"Well you wouldn't have to go alone..." Mira started and Laxus, who was still not listening in, nearly choked on his beer.

He knew where this was going and it wasn't pretty. "How about fuck you Mira?!"

Once again she gave him a dirty look. "Well all the other S-Class mages are doing stuff all you've been doing for the last week is sit on your arse drinking beer." He opened his mouth to protest but closed it again. She was right and she was Mira; this was an argument he wasn't going to win.

"Well what's in it for me then?" He asked, winking at Mira who blushed like she usually did.

"Woah woah woah!" Levy shouted before things got out of hand. "I'm not going on a quest with the Dick King!" Her fan boys nodded their heads in agreement, albeit from a safe distance behind her.

The scar faced man grinned. "Well that's a new one. I'm sufficiently impressed." Standing up, he walked over to her and bent down so he was face to face with her. "Have you got any better offers?"

"I..." Yeah...she had no better offers. "Fine then, but we're picking an easy one."

Once again Laxus' body shook with laughter. "Ohh please kid; everything up there is child's play to me! We'll do the cave monster quest."

"THE HELL YOU WILL!" Jet yelled, momentarily forgetting his place at the bottom of the food chain.

The lightening wizard soon reminded him with a death glare that froze him. "We'll leave tomorrow morning so you better get some rest. Unless of course there's any objections?" Silence. "Thought not. See you idiots later." And with that the plan was forged.

_-The next morning_-

Levy was sitting by the notice board reading over the quest details for the millionth time. After Laxus had left them to return to his drinking she'd gone into a frenzied panic, reading everything should get get her hands on about cave monsters and how to fight them. In fact she hadn't slept at all that night, which was noticed by a certain raven haired rogue.

"What's wrong with your face today?" Gajeel asked, trying not to sound too interested in what was bothering her. "_Can't be giving her ideas now..._"

Levy's face shot up and he saw just how much of a wreck she was. "Ohh no reason at all. Whats wrong with your face today huh?!"

"Erm...are you ok...?"

"I'm perfect! Fine, dandy, excellent, excited and raring to go!"

Gajeel started backing away slowly from the insane person until he bumped into the guild's resident badass. Besides Gildarts of course. "Funny, I've never seen this kind of resting before."

The metal man spun round and eyed up the older man. "Figures that you have something to do with this. Mind telling me what's happening?"

It's not that Laxus didn't want to pound him into dust, just he knew that he could get to Gajeel more with words than beatings. "Who me? Whatever gave you that idea?! I was almost a wizard saint; I'd never do something to affect one of my beloved guild members!" His mocking face earned him a glare that would've killed a lesser man. "Well...except for that one time I was going to take Levy on a quest with me..."

"YOU'RE DOING WHAT?!" Gajeel exploded. "WHICH QUEST?!"

"Ohh nothing big...just the cave monster one."

"THAT'S AN S-CLASS QUEST!" We wheeled round and grabbed hold of Levy's shoulders. "He's joking right? This is some sort of stupid stunt isn't it?"

The bluenette shook her head. "Nope; this is happening."

Gajeel started shaking her. "Have you literally lost all of your brain cells?! This isn't some walk in the park sort of job, this is 'I'm probably going to die on multiple occasions' level quest. Hell if you want to go on a quest that badly just come with me..."

"No you had your chance Gajeel!" Levy continued shaking her head. "I'll do this quest and I'll prove that I'm just as strong as you!"

"...shrimp..." The metal man was lost for words.

"Pfft why do you care so much stud face?" Laxus laughed. "She's just going on a quest to get some money. What's it to you?"

Gajeel blushed. "Well I..."

This was exactly what the S-Class man wanted to see. Of course if he were a nicer person he would have backed off at his friend's embarrassment, but there was no way in hell he was going to let that happen, so he dropped the bomb. "You're acting like she's your girlfriend or something."

That moment both the people in question exploded. "No no it's not like that!"

"We're just close friends, honest!"

"Nothings happened or happening between us at all!"

Laxus laughed. "Touchy touchy I see. So, hypothetically speaking of course, if Levy and I were alone on this quest we..."

"I SWEAR TO GOD LAXUS I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU-...I mean...erm..." Gajeel blushed and crossed his arms, not entirely sure how he was supposed to win this argument.

"Just shut up and go!" Makarov called from the bar, "The one time you actually choose to do some work and you still managed to find a way to slack off. Get moving or I'll end this little escapade right here and now!"

"Well I'll miss you too Gramps but try not to lose too much sleep over me." The blonde snorted before nodding to the door. "Come on then midget, time to go cave exploring."

Levy gasped as it dawned once again that she was going on an S-Class quest. With Colonel Cunt. Alone. "...Actually I think I've..."

"Good idea kid; better get moving quickly so we can get there before dark." Laxus practically shoved her towards the door of the guild. "_Better get moving before she chickens out._"

"W-wait!" The pair spun round to see Gajeel, eyes wide like a frightened deer. Reaching his hand out to stop them. Of course he didn't actually count on them doing this, and so he just kind of stood there awkwardly instead of giving a reply.

Luckily Laxus read his mind. "She'll be fine man, don't worry. She is a big girl after all."

"JESUS YOU CAN FUCK HER WHEN SHE GETS BACK, NOW LET HER GO FOR GOD'S SAKES!" Makarov roared and the pair jogged out of the guild hall, leaving a very worried Gajeel, a pissed off Makarov and a group of completely confused guild members.

-_After a long day of walking-_

"The town should be about a half hour walk from the edge of these woods, so we'll camp here and enter it tomorrow."

"...Owww..." She managed to croak out before collapsing in a heap on the ground.

The built man chuckled at the state of his companion. They'd been walking all day with only one break for lunch at Laxus' breakneck speed, and so at that current moment Levy felt like her entire body was being burned by Natsu. A nicer person probably would have slowed down to accommodate for their weaker acquaintance but no, Laxus not one of those pussies. "I take it you have some food and a sleeping bag?"

"...Owww..." Was the response and the Thunder God laughed again.

"Guess I'm on cooking duty then." He said before rummaging through her bag. Levy was far too exhausted to fight him off, which allowed him to get a glimpse of several rather compromising photos and items. Nevertheless, at this current moment food trumped all and since Laxus couldn't be bothered to go hunt something (which was his usual thing, what with him not giving a solid fuck about the local wildlife of anywhere) it was all depending on what this shrimp had brought along with her. "Pasta huh? Better than nothing I guess. Here's your shit back."

He threw the bag back at her and began setting up a stove to cook. Levy meanwhile crawled to her belongings and gasped in horror. "L-Laxus! There's a hole in the bottom!"

The blonde didn't even look at her. "Sucks to be you I guess. Anything fall out?"

"Some books are missing! Erm...my hairbrush...my...yeah those are missing..." She rummaged through some more before letting out a strangled cry. "Nooooo not my sleeping bag too!" Because this clearly wasn't enough of an insult to injury the temperature of the area decided to drop about ten degrees at that instance. "Oh this was a dumb idea."

With the pasta currently cooking well, Laxus had no excuse to avoid comforting her. "The fuck did you come then if you're just going to suck?" ...Yeah the master of sympathy strikes again readers.

"I...well I was wondering what an S-Class quest..."

"You came because you want the metal guy to fuck you right?" ...And the master of tact.

Levy blushed fiercely, which was pretty impressive since 75% of the blood in her body was currently at her feet. "It's n-not like that!"

Laxus rolled his eyes. "Christ cut the crap. Everyone knows you guys want each other. Hell you pretty much eye fuck one another every chance you get!"

The blush did not go away but the bluenette hung her head in resignation. There really was no arguing with Laxus, especially when he was right. "Yeah I...guess I did do it for him. I just wanted to be independent and show him that I'm not just some weak brat that he..."

"Yeah hold that though; pasta's done." He tipped half the pasta out of the stove and onto a plate before giving it to her along with some sauce. The rest he just ate raw out of the pot because getting two plates out was too much of a hassle. They ate in silence with a gloomy mood hanging over them until Captain Cunt decided to break it. "So you're not actually fucking him?"

Levy nearly chocked on her meal. "N-...*cough*...NO!"

Laxus grinned. "Guess Freed owes me another twenty thousand jewels." Then he did something that would never be spoken of again. He actually said something nice; "You know you didn't have to do this? Nobody thinks you're weak, not really."

The small woman had to replay that sentence in her head about three times before it registered that he wasn't being a dick. "Then why...?"

"Did he say you couldn't come with him?" He finished for her. "Because he's worried that you'll get hurt. I've bumped into Gajeel on a couple of jobs and his methods of getting shit done usually involve him getting beat up pretty bad to get into places. Don't get me wrong he's good at what he does, just if you were there I doubt your body would survive the first quarter of the beating. The guy cares about you; isn't that supposed to be sweet or something?"

Levy had to smile a little at that. "I guess so. Still he should at least let me tag along once or twice. I'm sure I could help out a little."

"Well after this is over I'm sure everyone will be wanting you on your team." The blonde sighed. "Now enough of this feely crap; come over here while I lay this thing out."

As he pulled his sleeping bag out of his backpack she nearly died then and there. "LAXUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU...?!"

"Well you don't have a sleeping bag so I figured you could share mine."

"B-b-but Mira...Gajeel...Mira...?!" She was way more scared of Mira to be honest. That bitch be cray cray.

"Relax we're just sleeping. It's getting cold out here and I figured you wouldn't want to sleep in a bush or something."

She opened her mouth to argue just as the temperature decided to drop again. Groaning she crawled over and lay right next to him. "...This doesn't mean anything right?"

Laxus grinned. "Suuuuure Levy. Suuuuure" He teased but she was already asleep.

-_After a comfortable night's sleep-_

Levy yawned and snuggled in to the portable radiator that had seemingly appeared next to her. "_Ahh this is a good bed. Who knew Gajeel could be..._" Her eyes shot open. This wasn't Gajeel. "L-Laxus?! Are you...?"

"Shhh!" He whispered, already awake. "There's something in the bushes over there." He nodded slightly in the direction of a rather large bush that did seem to be rustling slightly. "Now just follow my lead and agree with everything I say. I have an idea what's in there." She nodded and he cleared his throat before shouting "Wow Levy; I have to give it to you, that sex was amazing!"

The script mage glared at him and dug her hands into his sides, but followed his lead since the bush actually was shaking some more. "It sure was Laxus! Who knew you were so...erm...big?!"

He had to grin a bit at that one. "Well props to you for taking it all! For such a small girl you sure know how to take it deep!"

"Well I..." This was getting a bit too personal for Levy's liking, but luckily whatever was in the bush jumped out in front of them, ready to kill the dragon slayer. And by 'whatever' I mean Jet and Droy. "W-w-what are you guys doing here?!"

"We could ask you the same question Levy!" Jet snarled, glaring holes through her companion's skull.

"Actually we were just finishing up here." Came the response. "Levy and I had quite a night together here. Did some things you couldn't even imagine. So...you jealous that she's currently straddling me under this sleeping bag?"

The bluenette sprang out of the small bag only to find that she was missing most of her clothes. "LAXUS WHAT THE FUCK?!"

"You took them off last night because you said you were cold." He replied smugly. "I just stuck them under the tree back there.

"Dick..." She stormed off to find the rest of her gear while her two best 'friends' gawked at her.

The Thunder God rolled his eyes. "I don't remember giving you two fail whales permission to come on this trip."

"Yeah well we were hardly going to leave her with the likes of you!" Droy snapped then scowled when she went behind a tree to get dressed.

"Gee I wonder why she wanted to go on this quest alone..." The blonde muttered before standing up to pack away his things.

"Erm L-Laxus..." Jet stuttered, "W-why are you n-naked?"

Mustering his most evil grin he looked at the two. "Why do you think?" It was the wink that made the two lunge at him, just like it was the two subsequent punches that nearly KO'd them both. "Pussies. I didn't even hit you that hard."

Levy finally came out from behind her tree blushing. Making eye contact with the S-Class mage, she motioned for him to come over to her. "Did we actually...you know. Last night?"

"Jesus fuck Levy no! I have a girlfriend for god's sakes; who the hell do you take me for?!" His glare somewhat softened at her red face. And by softened I mean turned into a grin. No way was he letting her off easy. "Besides; I couldn't even get a word in edge ways with all that moaning you were doing."

The bluenette could have died. "W-what moaning?!"

Laxus made a face, changed his voice and crooned. "_Ohhh Gajeel! Gajeel! You're so warm and cuddly Gajeel!_" He of course followed this up with "_I'm so glad you're here Gajeel! We should do this every night Gajeel! Gajeel! Gaaaaaajjjjjeeeeeeelllll!_" while she stormed off to retrieve her bag and the rest of her stuff.

"Oh Levy let us carry that for you!" The two previously paralysed men were on their feet and wrapping their arms around her shoulders. "You've been carrying all this stuff at such a breakneck pace; let us at least carry your things into town for you."

"I..." She began but was interrupted by Laxus throwing his bag at the pair of them, knocking them off their feet.

"My heros!" He cooed before cackling as he walked towards the street lights.

_-In the town-_

"I can't believe how small it is!"

"Bet you guys have heard that a lot back home."

"Fuck you Laxus! I'll have you know I've never had any complaints!"

"That's not surprising since you've never had any to start with."

"I swear to god I'm going to...!"

"What; get pinned to a tree again by a guy who's weaker than Natsu? Or will it be the standing around and doing fuck all this time?"

"Guys please! We're here!" Levy rolled her eyes and stopped in front of the town hall. This constant insulting had gone on for the past half hour and she was getting tired of it.

Laxus eyed up the building then pulled out the quest request from his pocket. "Well I'll go inside and get the details. You all wait out here and try not to get beat up or some shit."

"Yeah well...fuck you!" Droy called back lamely at the Thunder God but he was already inside. "God I hate that guy! Why'd you even come on this quest anyways?!"

"Isn't it obvious Droy?" Jet sneered at his friend. "Levy wants to prove to everyone that team Shadowgear is a force to be reckoned with!"

"Oh yeah, then why did she come alone?"

"Because...erm...oh you wouldn't understand anyways. You never were the smartest."

"No but I'm the most useful! How many times have I saved her compared to you now?"

"Pfft well considering you count 'saving her from bad plumbing' a daring rescue like two more times than me."

"Well hey; sorry for caring about her well-being when she's at home as well as when she's on quests! That pipe had a clear crack in it that could have..."

Once again the solid script mage rolled her eyes. She was used to the pair arguing over her but recently it had begun to get out of hand. Half the time now they ended up having fights with one and other that involved slapping and squealing. Nobody was the real winner of those. Luckily for her Laxus was already coming out of the building, albeit with a rather grim face.

"...and those chilli's could have been poisoned for all you know so..."

"Ok idiots I think its time to nut up or shut up." Levy and her admirers stopped what they were doing and looked at him intently. "Turns out this monster is a little more that we bargained for."

Levy's face went white. "W-what do you mean by that?!"

"I mean that its probably too tough for you guys to handle. I was expecting something weak like a Gloffin or an injured Draughtnoff, but from the reports it sounds like this is something different entirely. Something I've feared ever since my first S-Class quest..."

At this moment I should probably explain that both these monsters were completely made up by Laxus and he was completely talking out of his ass. The actual monster was a "giant ant-snake dragony" thing that, to him at least, wasn't going to be any more challenge than his morning exercise, but of course he wasn't going to let Team Shadowgear know that.

"...Well we tried right? Better call it quits and start heading back now." Droy said before turning on his heels and heading back towards Magnolia.

"Hey wait up for me man!" Jet called and ran after him. It took them exactly fifteen steps before they realised that Levy wasn't with them. Spinning around, they saw the love of their respective lives standing shaking in front of the muscular man who had apparently slept with her last night.

"So what do we do then Laxus?" While her body was trembling, her eyes were steely and serious.

"_Guess she has more spunk than I thought._" He straightened up and gave her a serious look. "Still wanna do this?" She nodded. "Good, then I'll tell you the plan on the way to..." And at that exact moment a great idea hit him. One that was sure to get him extra points with Mira and screw with Gajeel at the same time. "Actually, we better call the guild before we go. Not to worry you but there's a possibility that you won't make it back."

With that the S-Class mage led her to the nearest pub to make the call. Her two idiot friends just kinda stood there frozen outside. Yeah that was a thing.

"Sup Mira." Laxus said once the call connected.

The model on the other end smiled. "Hey Laxy! How's the quest going?"

"It's looking to be a bit **lo go** if you know what I mean." He added a wink and she gave a slight nod. Of course they totally had secret code words so that they knew when they were going to screw someone over, who doesn't?! "Pretty high risk level, we might not survive this one."

Mira faked a gasp. "Oh that's awful! But we were going to go to that cute diner when..." She pretended to cry fake tears and Laxus had to physically restrain himself from applauding her acting skills. "I...I'm sorry I better go." And with that she rushed off the screen dramatically.

Laxus looked down at the bluenette. "Well I've said my goodbyes. You got anyone you want to..."

Because just in case his plan wasn't going perfectly already, the one person Laxus wanted to answer the call suddenly appeared on the screen. "Shrimp what the hell did I just hear?!"

Levy jumped back in surprise. "G-Gajeel?! Were you listening to..."

"Yeah whatever, now what's this about you not surviving this?!"

"_Ohh he was listening in so hard._" The Thunder God suppressed a grin. "Well this is a very hard quest Gajeel, even by my standards. There's no guarantee that even I will make it back alive."

The metal mage glared at him with enough hatred to power a small city. "I thought you said you'd take care of her..."

"Oh I did very much so last night when we slept together. Looking back I'm glad we did it; it's good to know that she had at least one good night bef-..."

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Gajeel practically exploded on the other end while Levy choked on air. "THAT'S IT; BOTH ARE YOU ARE COMING BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANCE!"

Using his pro lightening powers, Laxus managed to disrupt the call slightly. "I'm sorry we're breaking up. Got...go. She was...in bed...flexible...moans like an animal..."

"DON'T YOU HANG UP ON ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT OR I SWEAR TO GOD...!" And with that Laxus hung up.

Levy gawked at the older man who just smiled sweetly back at her. "Come on then; may as well get this over and done with..."

_-At the entrance to the cave-_

"Laxus...why did you...make us...carry these...stones...?"

"Well we're gonna need a few headstones after this thing tears you all to shreds."

"Hey! How come there isn't one for you?!"

"Because unlike you and fatty I'm going to live."

"Not if you keep tal-...dammit."

"Yeah you just go back to shutting the fuck up." He grinned then looked at Levy. "Ready to die?"

"Not today." Even her voice was shaking now, and Laxus was almost starting to feel bad for winding her up. Still, she hadn't ran away yet.

"_Christ at this rate you'll be doing her favours._" Shuddering at the thought of helping someone on his own accord, the Thunder God pointed inside the cave. "Well there you guys go; the cave entrance. I'll go ahead and wait here until while you clean up inside."

Levy smiled. "Better be careful now; wouldn't want you giving us hope now would you?"

"...Shut the fuck up woman and go do your shitty quest." Laxus scowled. "_Almost forgot she's too smart for her own good._" He picked up her two companions and threw them inside, then hopped over and did the same to her. "Oh and make sure you're quiet; this thing has very VERY good hearing!" Yeah he shouted that part. As loud as possible. Because he's a dick.

The trio picked themselves up and checked out their surroundings. "Damn! This thing must have hollowed out half the mountain!" The cave they had been so graciously thrown in to was enormous and covered in wet, dripping rocks. Except the rocks weren't rocks at all.

"They're eggs!" Jet yelped before clamping his hands over his mouth.

"Place is covered in them..." Droy scanned the cave in horror and amazement. "Must be thousands. No, _tens _of thousands. God forbid if they all start hatching..."

And as if by magic, a small cracking sound was heard. They all span round to see the egg closest to their backs practically explode, covering them in egg shell and goo. Once they wiped the debris from their faces they were greeted with a terrible sight.

"An Apep!" Levy's eyes widened with terror at the creature before her. It was about two metres tall and covered in scales. Eight spider-like arms jutted out from its sides while a pair of gooey, hole-filled wings hanging off its back. As it tried to straighten up the group caught sight of its face; an elongated snout, huge ears and hundreds of tiny yellow eyes.

"We should...we should..." Jet and Droy began but Levy acted instantly. She leapt into the air wrote a quick "fire" script and aimed it directly at the monster in front of them. The word collided straight into it and the creature howled in pain as it burned to a crisp. Sadly though its death screams woke up the rest of the eggs. The whole chasm shook as the monsters hatched in varying states of development, some barely formed while others were larger than the one Levy had just killed.

"Guys...I don't think I can do this by myself..."

"On it Levy." The pair sprang into action, Jet kicking through as many opponents as he could while Droy's plants held the rest at bay with punches and binds. Soon however it was obvious that they would be overwhelmed.

The bluenette looked at her friends fighting and realised that she would have to think fast. "_Come on think! These things must have a weakness...Fire worked well I guess, but we don't have Natsu to burn everything up. I think the kicks and plants are only working because these things are just born too. Wait; that book in Magnolia said these things were weak to...got it!_"

She crushed a one and a half metre Apep before jumping up and yelling "Get them all into that back corner now!" Her companions responded by luring the monsters to that location and killing all the ones in their way. Luckily the newborns were far too interested in their intruders than escaping, as their chances of ever seeing the outside were cut short when Levy doused them in oil. "Guys...might want to stand back for this one."

The pair sprinted out of the cave with Levy close behind them. Just as they reached the exit, she span round and sent as much fire as she could back into the cave. The mountain practically exploded, but luckily the trio were shielded by something stronger.

"Over the top and in true Fairy Tail style; I like it!" Laxus applauded them as everything crumbled around them. "Still...you guys may not want pat yourselves on the back just yet. Mammy's gonna be pissed when she gets...ah, there's the bitch!"

Slowly turning around, the group were faced with the huge form of a fully grown, fifty metre long Apep mother. And by god did she look pissed.

"L-Levy..." Jet half panted, half squeaked, "N-not sure oil w-will work this t-t-time."

The creature, who had presumably been hunting as it was carrying what appeared to be the carcass of a huge bull in its arms, roared and swooped down towards them. Team Shadowgear shut their eyes and prepared for the worst, but as the day was getting on and Laxus really couldn't be arsed with this shit anymore he figured he'd step in and wrap this up. "Actually...yeah no." were the last words it heard as the S-Class mage literally lightening punched a hole through its fucking heart. Yeah man, that happened. If I could draw I'd totally draw you all this badass moment but sadly there's more chance of me growing a second face.

When the three finally had enough courage to look, they discovered they were surrounded by a bunch of rocks and entrails. Droy was the first to speak. "I...think I've lost my appetite..." Jet just threw up.

"Great! Guess we can skip the victory meal and go right back to me not giving a shit!" The blonde flew down and admired their work. "Not gonna lie; you guys did good." And with that the entirety of Team Shadowgear passed out in shock. Laxus laughed. "...Still got a way to go though."

_-The next day at the guild-_

"Honey I'm hoooooome!" Laxus called as soon as he entered the guild.

"About time too!" Mira jumped over the bar and hugged her boyfriend. "So how'd it go?"

The Thunder God shrugged. "Not so bad I guess. Those idiots did most of the work. Actually kinda impressed, but don't tell 'em I said that. Anyways after the whole mountain exploding thing we had to pay for damages and that shit. Ended up getting half of what we wanted, but for some reason they all thought they were millionaires."

Mira laughed. "Well it was a ten million jewel quest. Assuming you split it fairly, they should all be millionaires, right?"

"Well they might have been if Droy hadn't ended up trashing the travel lodge. Jeez; you'd think a guy his size would be able to handle his alcohol..."

The tale was interrupted when a certain black-haired dragon slayer burst through the back door and grabbed his shirt. "WHERE IS SHE?!"

"Christ Batman slow down..."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND ANSWER THE QUESTION!"

Normally the blonde would just K.O. the smaller man, but today he was in a good mood. Besides; the beating could wait until after he scored some points with Mira. "Well after last night she's probably lagging behind quite a bit..."

The metal man almost punched him, but luckily for him the woman in question staggered into the guild hall with her two friends. Gajeel instantly let go of the bigger man's shirt. "Levy!"

"H-hey Gajeel!" She croaked and managed a weak smile. "Sorry...just a bit wrecked. Man my body is aching all over..."

At this point Captain Cunt literally doubled over laughing, while Gajeel just stood there in a mixture of horror and relief. "So you and Laxus...ah screw it. Come here!" Running over he scooped her up in his arms and hugged her. Everyone in the guild gawked at the pair but they didn't care; a) because Levy was exhausted, b) because Gajeel was relieved she was alive and c) because they were together.

After an eternity they broke it off and Gajeel apologised. "Erm...sorry about that. Better not piss off the big man I guess..."

Levy's face was burning. "No no it's not...I mean we're not...we didn't..." They stood there awkwardly for a few moments while both of them tried to regain their composure. "_Ask him out already idiot!_" She didn't know why the voice in her head sounded like Laxus', or why in the next moment she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, but she did know that after fighting a horde of evil monster babies, she was getting a full reward.

"Sh-shrimp?!" Gajeel almost died from shock, but luckily recovered in time to make the most of out what was happening. All he knew was that he was finally doing what he'd wanted to do for the past few months and by god he was not going to screw this up.

After what seemed like an eternity of bliss she finally pulled away with those wide eyes and that cute smile he loved. "So...since you didn't pull away, I guess..."

"Yeah...we're a thing...gee hee!" And so the new couple began coming to terms with the awesome that had just happened.

Meanwhile, Jet and Droy gave a collective moan of pain. After everything that happened and all that they'd went through, they didn't even get the girl. "But...we..."

"Yeah you guys really fucked up." Laxus went over and put his arms around them. "Still, could be worse. Least they're not fucking right in front of you. Now get your arses to the bar and have a drink with me and the other guys. God knows this is a one off but enjoy it while you can."

"You...want to have a drink with us?"

"Fuck no, but I'm in a good mood so we may as well." As the two slunk over to the bar, the blonde match maker turned to Mira and grinned.

She rolled her eyes. "You gonna take credit for this then?"

"Oh god yes."

"And I suppose you'll be wanting something..."

"I'm getting laid tonight."

"Are you? That's nice I guess."

"Aww c'mon! I totally set this up! But I killed that Apep thingy and did a quest!"

"And yet you still leave the toilet seat up."

"But Mira..."

"Ahh fine! But only because you did good with them!" She then leant in and whispered "I hope you're well rested." before strolling back to the bar.

"_Yep..._" Laxus thought before following her, "_I did good!_"

_A/N: This took forever to finish so sorry for that guys. On the plus side though, I got some more time to think through some other ideas. I **will **get busier I swear, just the more I try to work, the more assignments get dumped on me. Fun times haha. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed it. Read, review and recommend some more stuff for me to write :)_


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